What’s up with the mask?
"So, what's up with the mask?"
Some brown fur, big blinking eyes, and two little purple horns. That's what turns me into The Maker Monster.
The easy answer is usually "It's more fun this way."
The practical answer? I never have to worry about what I look like or what I'm wearing. You'd be surprised how much easier that makes filming videos.
But there's more to it than that. And it starts with one miserable weekend.
The Death of an Artist
The most soul-crushing weekend of my life was the weekend I had a booth at Rhode Island Comic Con. I spent hundreds on the booth, plus money on materials. It put me into a little bit of debt, but it was going to be worth it. I spent the entire week leading up to it putting everything I had into making art. Not sleeping, churning out pieces day and night, and working straight through my girlfriend's birthday. Come Saturday morning, I was ready with plenty of work to sell.
I sold one thing all weekend. For $30. To a friend.
An entire weekend of people telling me my art was creepy and weird or, worse, ignoring it altogether. Walking straight past to the booth next to me. They had a line all weekend. Selling those cheap, mall import shop swords to nerds at a comic convention. And absolutely killing it.
Being an artist wasn't working. I couldn't do it anymore. Working all week making minimum wage at a hardware store, then spending money I didn't have, to make art nobody wanted, was destroying me.
This was the thing I had spent all my time thinking about for years. This thing that used to bring joy, that used to be all about the wonder of seeing the finished piece come to life in front of me, was now causing more and more pain.
I didn't know who I was anymore. Who am I if I'm not an artist?
Full-out identity crisis.
So I stopped. I stopped being an artist. I stopped doing anything, really. I laid in bed all day watching netflix, eating cheddar goldfish dipped in nutella, and going to sleep wishing I could somehow magically wake up at some point in the future when I had things all figured out.
The Freedom of Space
Eventually I did figure things out. After a year where the days blurred together in the haze of depression, I was able to let go of an identity that wasn't working and give myself the freedom to explore some of the other things I'd been interested in over the years. I'd been watching these "maker" people on youtube for years, that could be fun. I like puppets, that could be fun. I've got some ideas for some ridiculous projects. Let's give it a try!
But I knew from my time as being an artist, I needed some separation from it.
I had always wished I was doing art under a fake name. Something to disconnect myself from it a bit. It was less about making it so other people didn't know who I was, but more that I knew who I was outside of being an artist.
But this was a little different. It wasn't just art I was putting out in the world. It would be me on video. Sure, I could have just used a fake name, but that didn't feel like enough. It'd still be me. I'd still look at it and see myself. Simply using a fake name would be a disconnect from other people, but I needed a disconnect from myself.
My first thought was actually a puppet, but it would have been impossible to actually make things as a puppet. What about a mask? That could work.
So that's where the mask comes in.
Putting on the mask changes this from something that I am to something that I’m doing. It creates the space to both be a person, and have a thing that I do. They're not the same, and the mask makes sure of that.
A More Authentic Me
I don’t wear the mask to disguise myself from other people. It’s not really about hiding my identity. I wear it to be able to bring out more of who I am. Or, more accurately, who I want to be in that moment.
I wear it to be able to tap into those aspects of myself that normally aren't on the surface.
As I slide the mask down over my face, I'm able to step into this alter ego and choose what aspects of my personality are showing up. Almost instantly, there's a change. The Maker Monster is more outgoing than I am. More playful. Less insecure. The Maker Monster is me in my best moments. Those moments when I'm feeling most myself. All those traits are already there inside me, putting on the mask just makes it easier to bring those out.
You’re already a different version of yourself around different people, in different areas of your life. This is that turned up to eleven. It allows me to be intentional about which aspects of my personality show up, in ways I'm not able to do in everyday life. It lets me go to the places I wouldn’t go as my everyday self.
Everything important happens outside your comfort zone, and The Maker Monster has a much larger comfort zone than I do.
There's no way that, as myself, I'd be making anywhere near the same videos that I'm making as The Maker Monster. Bouncing around a basement by myself, laughing, screaming, talking to a bandsaw that looks like a dinosaur. There's a freedom I gain when I put on the mask. I'm not bound by these ideas of who I think I am.
Becoming a Better Me
In the book Psycho-Cybernetics, the author talks about the idea that you can’t act in a way which goes against your self-image. Change your self-image and you change what you’re capable of. Like Superman putting on a pair of glasses to become Clark Kent, or a drag queen putting on their padding and makeup, turning into your alter ego does more than change how other people see you. It changes how you see yourself. Putting on the mask lets me literally see another version of myself, which changes what I'm capable of.
There’s a bit of a trick hidden in there too. Habits reinforce identity. You are the actions you repeat. The more you eat well and exercise, the more you see yourself as a person who takes care of themselves. The more I bring out these aspects of myself, the more they become a part of who I am.
It's only a few layers of fiberglass, electronics, and fur, but when I put on the mask it lets me bring out the version of myself I want to be in that moment.
Maybe one day I won’t need it, but for now? It’s more fun this way.
